Dear Blushing Bride,

(on writing letters to my 22yo self)

Once upon a time, I got evangelically christian married. I was 22 years old.

Eight years later, at the ripe/mature age of 30, I wrote a book to help young women be good wives lol. It was called From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife: Practical Advice from a Girlfriend—What Marriage Is Really Like.

Next year that “precious” book turns 20. TWENTY.

Speaking of numbers I can’t believe, I turn 50 on Halloween. And I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my first 50 years of life recently. My childhood. My teen years. My marriage. (I’m divorced now btw) And where I’m headed next.

And just like I’ve been doing for decades, I’m processing all of it by writing it down.

A few months ago I reread FBBTWW for the first time (ever?) and got the urge to write a letter to that 22-year-old evangelical Christian virginal blushing bride who thought she knew so much and couldn’t have been more wrong. (bless her heart)

Then I wrote a second letter. And a third. And a whole bunch more. Turns out, I have a lot to say to her.

Obviously, I can’t literally go back in time and tell younger Marla these things. I know that. But, in a weird sort of way, I want her to know I see her. I see how evangelical Christianity fucked up her life in so many ways. I see how hard it was to be evangelically married to a guy who wanted respect but not responsibility.

I know she wasn’t perfect, but she tried so damn hard, and I want her to know I’m proud of her. She did the best she could with what she had and what she knew. She survived and came out on the other side. Not unscathed—whew, not even close—but with her soul and integrity intact.

And she’s found so much freedom and wholeness too.

I’m ready to share some of those letters. I’m going to start with my paid subscribers. That little corner of my substack has always felt like a safe space to talk about some stuff I’m not ready to post far and wide.

I’d love for you to join us there. I also understand that might not be feasible for you—especially in this economy—so if it goes well, I’ll share some of the letters here too.

Anybody else get evangelically Christian married back in the day? How’s it going for you?