it's up to me

it’s up to me

just days before my ex 
left un-ex-pectedly, 

he was visiting his family in
Ohio (plotting divorce) and

I was walking along a path,
thinking what if he wants us

to move back to Ohio? and 
I had a small panic attack 

then—after several long, 
deep breaths—a revelation: 

I DON’T HAVE TO 

I don’t have to do things 
I don’t want to do 

just because my
husband says so 

I don’t have to live in fear 
of god “calling me”  

to a place I don’t 
feel called to go 

I have autonomy 
I always have 

and it didn’t expire 
just because I never 

realized I could use it 

*

I share parts of my divorce story (including the cheating) in my books, unbelieve and jaded. Hopefully next year some time you’ll be able to read the whole story in its own book. Stay tuned. (be sure to read those two in the meantime)