on willingly and joyfully sacrificing my desires

(oh, poor sweet earnest indoctrinated 26-year-old Marla)

When I’m doing podcast interviews, I find myself frequently referencing my “62 journals where I wrote to God.” It’s one of my comebacks to “maybe you were never saved.”

Here’s a sample from journal #1 dated July 16, 2002. It’s actually the last page (and took up the entire page).

When I penned these words, I was 26 years old and had a 19-month-old and a 26-day-old. And I was apologizing to God for not doing more for him. (I mean Him.)

Dear Lord, please forgive me for not being as faithful as I should be when it comes to spending time with you. I know I don’t have much time these days, and you understand that. But I could be spending 2 or 3 minutes here and there praying for others, reading your Word, praising You. Help me to truly put You first—even as things are pressing on me from all sides.

I thank you so much for giving me the strength to get through each day. It’s so obvious to me that You are the only way I’m handling everything as well as I am. I am nothing without You. I love You, Lord. Help me to love You more each day. Help me to be unselfish and sensitive. Help me to love my husband and children unconditionally. Help me to willingly and joyfully sacrifice my desires that I might meet theirs. Thank you for your Son’s example. I love you!

And this, my friends, is why my life is so much freer and happier on the other side of evangelical Christianity (and marriage for that matter, lol).

Where are my fellow (former) evangelical Christian journalers at?