deprogramming is a bitch
deprogramming is a bitch
that’s the poem*
A friend called me in crisis last night. Something really hard had happened and all she could think was, “Is this God punishing me for deconstructing my faith?”
We had a really good, long talk. I’ll just share one thing I said to her. “Did anything bad happen to you while you were a good conservative Christian going to church and following all the rules?” Yes. Yes it had.
But “God will punish you if you don’t do x, y, and z” is hard to get out of your system.
If you’re questioning/detangling/deconstructing/pick-your-favorite-word, what’s been the hardest thing for you to deprogram?
p.s. yes, that’s an actual poem from my new book, jaded. If you like to write/doodle in books while you read, I left a lot of white space on that page for you.
I experience this feeling every time something 'goes wrong'.. but I'm gradually coming to the place where I can honor my little-self's fear, but also reassure them that it's actually ok and the bad-magic from stepping outside the umbrella isn't real. Difficult things happen and it's just life. It helps to remember they happened back then too.. the umbrella never us actually protected from the 'rain'.
I get this feeling sometimes. A friend of mine experiences this frequently and acutely and it causes huge mental distress, and every time I can't help thinking "your God is an arsehole if he's going to punish you like this"
And then I remember that was my God too and I wonder why it took me so damn long to wake up to the toxic crap that is a "loving God" sending people to hell and punishing them for not believing because there are so many reasons not to 🤷🏻♀️