the last day you lived here as the six of us sat there on those two couches right after you dropped the divorce bomb one of our daughters asked you the question I couldn’t seem to make my lips form is there another woman? you glared at her and said I’m not playing that game right now that’s not an answer I thought to myself but it very much was
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Me to my kid a few months ago: Hmmm. I get the biggest response on social media when I post about my divorce.
My kid: Humans like bad things that happen to other people.
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Is she right? Be honest.
What a profound observation.
I think sometimes we are morbidly fascinated by suffering as long as we are not implicated in it—it’s easier to focus our attention on other people’s problems than to think about the ones we could do something about, whether in our own lives or in our society or the world. Anecdotally, I’ve noticed the response to that kind of suffering is willful ignorance. We save our attention (maybe it’s voyeurism) for problems that don’t belong to us because they demand nothing from us.
I was just thinking about this as I waited for your page to load. How I seem to click your substack links that promise to talk about the rough stuff.
I think I do tend to gravitate towards the painful… I also tend to write more about the painful than the life giving. Lol. It can make me feel like I’m 15 again with all the angst that comes with those teen years.
I think in part, humans want to hear the tea. We are nosey. I am nosey.
But I think it’s a community thing too. I feel validated when I hear women talk about being oppressed or survivors give their story about their spiritual/physical/sexual abuse. I want to support and cheer. I want to love and be loved on. To recognize and be recognized.
But mainly, I’m just nosey. Lol