dear enemies and nemeses, the one fighting to take away rights the one who chooses guns over people the pastor who scorns deconstructors the ex who cheated and the in-laws who blamed me for it the star of the poem on page 65 the relative who disowned me my prayer for you is wholeness *
maddeningly, i'm coming to find forgiveness has little if anything to do with the actions or acknowledgment of the other. it is about ablsolving the investment--emotional, spiritual, relational--that was made between two people. The only one who can experience forgiveness is the forgiver--as in if someone owes me $100 and I forgive the debt, it doesn't matter if they are thankful, or resentful, or even refuse to acknowledge ("conveniently forget?) that I loaned them the money. Probably why it is one of the most challenging spiritual acts--it absolutely absolves the other party and only has to do about inner healing and growth. Im thinking "Praying for our enemies" is a result of forgiveness...proof that it is in progress.....???? thoughts.......
I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately as well. I’m exploring the idea that there is no virtue in forgiveness. Some people don’t deserve your forgiveness because they never took accountability. But this is not mutually exclusive to letting things go for your personal wellbeing.
I like that reframe a lot. Puts a lot of responsibility back on them while also allowing you to imagine their wellbeing. 💔 I’m so sorry that happened and you were treated that way. And I can’t wait to get my copy of whole - hoping to pick it up next week.
That's beautiful, friend! This is why I said that whole is the most wholesome of your poetry books. By the way, I'm going to post a review as soon as I get my words together.
Forgiveness was too often used as a weapon. “Just forgive and forget”, the victim was told to do, and the perpetrator had no accountability or consequences. Eventually you realize that you can forgive, which heals you, but you can also walk away or set strong boundaries that change relationships. You don’t need to put yourself back in harm’s way as the church so often asked us to do because “church is family”. Such an unhealthy family (I wonder where so many Christian families get it from…).
This is great. Our theme in the Pilgrimage Stepping into the Story class last week was forgiveness and we wrestled through some of this stuff. It's way more complicated than "just forgive," isn't it? I like your "way into" it.
maddeningly, i'm coming to find forgiveness has little if anything to do with the actions or acknowledgment of the other. it is about ablsolving the investment--emotional, spiritual, relational--that was made between two people. The only one who can experience forgiveness is the forgiver--as in if someone owes me $100 and I forgive the debt, it doesn't matter if they are thankful, or resentful, or even refuse to acknowledge ("conveniently forget?) that I loaned them the money. Probably why it is one of the most challenging spiritual acts--it absolutely absolves the other party and only has to do about inner healing and growth. Im thinking "Praying for our enemies" is a result of forgiveness...proof that it is in progress.....???? thoughts.......
I am guessing the other to be "no"?
I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately as well. I’m exploring the idea that there is no virtue in forgiveness. Some people don’t deserve your forgiveness because they never took accountability. But this is not mutually exclusive to letting things go for your personal wellbeing.
I like that reframe a lot. Puts a lot of responsibility back on them while also allowing you to imagine their wellbeing. 💔 I’m so sorry that happened and you were treated that way. And I can’t wait to get my copy of whole - hoping to pick it up next week.
That's beautiful, friend! This is why I said that whole is the most wholesome of your poetry books. By the way, I'm going to post a review as soon as I get my words together.
Yes to all of this! I came to this same conclusion in my own life, because the evangelical idea of forgiveness is so weaponized. Cheers to healing!
Forgiveness was too often used as a weapon. “Just forgive and forget”, the victim was told to do, and the perpetrator had no accountability or consequences. Eventually you realize that you can forgive, which heals you, but you can also walk away or set strong boundaries that change relationships. You don’t need to put yourself back in harm’s way as the church so often asked us to do because “church is family”. Such an unhealthy family (I wonder where so many Christian families get it from…).
Am i just faking it if I say
"i forgive you"
while thinking
" i still hate you" (?)
(asking for a friend)(🫥)
This is great. Our theme in the Pilgrimage Stepping into the Story class last week was forgiveness and we wrestled through some of this stuff. It's way more complicated than "just forgive," isn't it? I like your "way into" it.